Wednesday, March 4, 2009


This is the first word that comes to mind when I think about my new diagnosis. The second word is "horseshit", a favorite of my dad's. I was so pissed off last night, I threw a few pillows and a Kleenex box. I didn't even brush my teeth, even after my husband's gentle coaxing. I was going to show the cancer who's boss by swearing, avoiding my nightly dental routine, and throwing an object that is made up entirely of feathers. I am such a hard ass. I mean seriously, should I join the army rangers? Maybe sign up to be a navy seal? You can just sign up for that, right?

So now that the anger has subsided and I'm left alone with myself and my thoughts, I think I have to find some other ways to show the cancer that I am the boss, not it. Here are some of my thoughts, and I'm totally up for other suggestions.

1. I need a new image for the stupid cancer in my lymph node. If the breast tumor was slimer, should the lymph node tumor be the alien from aliens? Or perhaps another ghostbusters character? Or maybe flotsam or jetsam from the little mermaid? Regardless, it's out of me, so I'll have to imagine it in a petry dish slowly deteriorating into nothing, which is really what it is... NOTHING! (pillow flies across the room, feathers everywhere)

2. I want to lean on my friends and family. People have been asking us what they can do for us. Well, one thing you can do is come over and play cards with us and maybe bring us a bottle of wine or some ginger brew. The refreshments are totally optional, but the cards are not. I am really good and I need to play at least 1 hour per day or I get the shakes.

3. Use the next 6-7 months as a time to be around the people who are most important to me and Seth. If you are reading this, it's probably you. I mean, seriously, I want to be sick of seeing you by thanksgiving. Desmin and Jack, our most frequent visitors, have done so much for our mental state just by sitting with us and watching American Idol or Top chef. This could be you! But you have to invite yourself over and I mean it! (Kleenex box...destroyed)

4. I'm going to try to eat only foods that support my body in destroying the cancer. If you see me eating a twinkie, it's up to you to knock me over and replace it with some cherries or a flax seed milkshake. If I'm confrontational, vicodin should do the trick.

5. Make bald beautiful. I want to do a photo shoot when I lose my hair. Seriously, I want to employ all the artists and film makers and photographers that I know and do an art installation about balding. I think I could look totally hot bald. I have a really nice shaped head, if I do say so myself. Maybe I'll even make a music video portraying Sinead O'Connor singing "Nothing Compares to You". This could be so fun! Maybe I'll shave my head tonight! Or maybe not... If you are interesting in participating or have additional ideas for the "Bald is Beautiful" art installation, you can email me or call me. If you think it's stupid idea, or you don't think bald is beautiful, I DON'T CARE. (I don't brush my teeth for 10 days and get 13 cavities)

So, all that said, I will be cured of this thing. I have total faith in myself and my husband and all of my friends and family. I have faith that God only gives us what we can handle, and he's obviously letting me know that he thinks I'm a rock star.

I love you all. Please come over and play cards.



  1. ok. when you get back from mexico-euchre night will be had.

  2. Wow, what a powerful blog. Erica, you make me so proud. I am so proud of you, your strength, your realism, your confidence, your honesty and your candidness(is that word?). I am there for you and will be looking to play only silly card games like go fish and old maid. Anything else and I am a total loser. Great for your morale but not for mine. You will be hearing from me soon and a visit is long, long, long overdue. Ton of love and hugs and kisses your way, Joey.

  3. I'll play cards with you! I'm REALLY TERRIBLE at cards however. But I learned a fun game called Nertz when I was a Court Theatre...not sure if I can remember how to play it...Pit is also fun...But I'm willing to learn what I don't know. And I'm also an amazing conduit of snacks to people.

  4. I would love to play cards if we were only closer. So in my absence, I highly suggest you go to Target and buy a $5 deck of Canasta Caliente cards. You will not regret it. That will be my contribution.

    Also, with regards to #1, did you ever watch "Animaniacs"? I would like to humbly suggest a Pinky and the Brain visualization. Brain is the cancer: "The bulk of every episode involves one of Brain's plans for world domination... and the ultimate failure of that plan." You are Pinky: "Pinky is more open-minded than the Brain and much more up-beat. He doesn't let troubles ruin his day... Pinky also works with Brain not withstanding the fact that Brain insults him constantly and often beats him over the head...Pinky is also more attuned to the world at large, due to a large amount of time watching television or following other popular culture fads; as such, he tends to think in less rigorous patterns than the Brain, and has offered solutions that Brain would have not come up with. Pinky has a number of unusual special abilities, something like 'magic', but caused by his genetic engineering. Most notably, he occasionally levitates, and also is apparently capable of telekinesis, as seen when he levitated a fruit in a bowl." Whaddya think?

  5. Yeah, man. Show that cancer who's boss. Spank it and call it Suzie! I vote for the alien from Aliens. That way, I (or any female of your choice) can walk up to it with a flame thrower and say, "Get away from her you BITCH."

    I suck in a majority of card-driven games, with the exception of Uno. I love me some Uno.

    I gave up wine for Lent, but I did not give up giving it to other people, so you're in like Flynn.

    I read your last entries. Sounds like your surgery was sponsored by the United Colors of Benetton. Awesome.

    I'm sorry. This sucks. But it seems like you're choosing a positive path. That being said, I think you can kick some major ass, and if that cancer knows what's good for it, it'll get the hell outta Dodge.

  6. A few things:

    1. I would prefer to play dice (BUNCO) with you. The only reason being, I won last week's BUNCO game. Fine, I partly won (Inga and I tied)...but I won slightly more than her. :)
    2. Have you watched Graham's "Nothing Compares to You" video? You should do a duet.
    3. Maybe we can get together and make a fun vegetarian dish? I love that you are a fellow veggie now.
    4. I totally think you should do a bald photo shoot. I will so be there to support you. I'm already on the lookout for cute hats.

    LOVE your sense of humor and how you are staying positive through all of this. I'm here for you 100%. So, so proud of you.

  7. Oh, honey.

    I will play cards, of any sort, with you guys any time. I am very competitive, but I can accept the occasional loss. I also have some extra pillows around the house if you need me to bring them over. As far as "Bald is Beautiful" I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who has had that membership card longer than me. I will take part in any photo shoot/shaving/waxing/maintenance of bald heads... hell, I do it anyway (except the waxing, ouch!)
    One thing... red or white?

  8. Dude - if there is anyone, I mean ANYONE who can make bald beautiful, it's you. Seriously. You're the kind of beautiful that makes people want to just sit and stare.

    Want to enjoy some St. Pat's revelry with me? I've got a million gigs to go to in the next couple of weeks and can use a buddy. St. Pat's parades downtown and south side, shows on Daley Plaza... You've never partied until you've done it Irish style. For realz. Next week - Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Come play!

  9. I am totally up for helping with the Bald is Beautiful campaign in any way. And Chris and I love playing Euchre! Let's set aside a time now...

  10. Bald is definitely hot! Kayne West is dating a hot bald lady right is kind of in style :)
    Love the photo shoot idea! I will be on the look out for some cute hats out here. And if I lived in Chicago you know I would be over there playing cards...maybe we can do an online card tournament??
    Have fun in Mexico!

  11. God - I wish I knew how to play cards - but the shaving of the head I could definitely do! I've been attempting to form my hair into something it's not (straight) for years now - OFF WITH THE MOP!

    I love you Rikki....