Tuesday, April 28, 2009

So... I'm a vampire? Sah-weet.

For anyone who talks to me on a semi-regular basis, you know my current obsession with vampires. Before you roll your eyes, please know that I read the Twilight series before the movie and the craziness, so lay off me! For anyone who hasn't read them, they-are-awesome. I actually started reading them (thanks so my genius sister) somewhere between my first mammogram and my first biopsy. At the time, I was reading some depressing book about a high school shooting, and I thought I deserved a little smut. Oh...but I got so much more including but not limited to romance and good old fashioned vampire lust.

It's every girl's dream! Picture this... you're eighteen years old, kind of awkward, both socially and physically, and a one hundred year old vampire, who's posing as a devastatingly handsome and brooding high school student, finds you irresistible. He's sexy and dangerous, but opens cars doors, never, EVER, tries to go past kissing, and is nice to his mother. **Spoiler Alert** In the end, after four deliciously addictive page turners, it all works out between the mortal and the vamp and they live happily ever after. These are the pieces of literature that got me through the news I had cancer. I'm easy I guess, but then, in true blood-sucking fashion, I craved more... (Wahahahahaha)

Faced with the deservedly innocent ribs from my spouse, I fought back the need to start from the beginning of the series, this time taking my time with each delicate page, and maybe, maybe, busting out a highlighter during the good parts for future reference. Since then, I've flirted with a few other books, some extremely well written and bound to make me smarter (and not meant for pre-pubescent girls), but it wasn't the same. I was hopelessly devoted to the Cullen family.

Once again, my sister came to my rescue. She gave me that much needed hit of Vampire lovin' I was craving, just in time for the frequent couch sentences I was facing due to chemotherapy.

The short-lived television series, Moonlight, is even more satisfying that my other obsession for a few main reasons:
1. Duh. I don't have to use my imagination. There they are, hungry for blood with a keen interest in crime-fighting, live on my picture making machine. Bring on the dark chocolate covered raisins.
2. The main vampire is 30 which he will remain until the end of time. I am 30 (my birthday was a few weeks ago and I have yet to update my blog on the details. Stay tuned.) He is well past puberty, which makes it slightly less creepy. All of the main vampires are around the same age. I've heard 30 is the new 20 and they are just confirming that fact.

A few days ago, somewhere within my four episode marathon, it hit me. Of course I can relate to the vampires! How could it be any more obvious? Most of the vampires I'm exposed to (in my head), save the horny teenage vampires, are "turned' against their will by an evil sire. They are turned from average every day human beings into something entirely different, something they fear. Some examples of their monstrosities are fangs, glowing red eyes, and an unquenchable thirst for blood. I haven't sipped any A positive yet, but I tell you what, I'm pretty sure my eyes were glowing other day, among the other new additions to my anatomy.
The vamps are always concerned that the people they love (or are in love with) will think that they are monsters once they find out the truth, when in reality, it makes them even sexier. That's my whole hang up with the reality of losing my hair and being sick. I'm worried that it will make the people around me uncomfortable and/or that people won't look at me the same.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, they are immortal. No matter what dangers they face, and believe me, I've seen some doosies, they survive. Not only do they survive, they kick some serious ass. I know one thing, I would hire a vampire in a heartbeat if I was Britney Spears. Paparazzi who? I think you can draw the parallel pretty easily on this one.

So, it might be a stretch, but I think I'm onto something. Does anyone think my husband would blow a gasket if I tell him I want to go back to grad school and write my thesis on Vampires and their effects on Cancer patients?


  1. After I read the Twilight series, someone told me of more great vampire lore... I believe it starts with the book, "Dark Lover". I bought the book, but haven't had the chance to read it yet! ;o)

  2. My roommate in college, Sean, and I used to bundle up and sit on the couch and watch Bram Stoker's Dracula. We knew it was badly acted in parts. But, yowsa, that Gary Oldman is H.O.T. Also, there are all those strappin' young men trying to save Lucy. It's total smut, with bloodsucking, so...it's badass smut, which is totally ok.

  3. PS)Wolverine is my unreasonable lovelust. Just...puttin' that out there.

  4. I've been wanting to read the Twilight books, but was too shy to be seen with it on the train. You've sold me.

  5. I have also read all the Twilight books and love love love them!! LOVE Edward!!
    You should watch the series True Blood on HBO- all about vampires and a little more R rated!

  6. ha! I JUST finished watching Moonlight on Netflix! How funny. True Blood is in my queue, and I have also read Twilight. They are such brain candy