Saturday, May 2, 2009

Hulking out, but not in the green way...





If you would have told me 10 years ago that on this fine May evening, I'd be sitting home on a Saturday night, posting pictures of my Mohawk, to fauxhawk, to no-hawk look, I would have told you to put down your crack pipe. But here I sit... posting them. I think I do this so that my friends, family, followers can see what I'm going through, both the pretty and ugly stuff. The pretty stuff being our new puppy and my cute haircuts, natch.
My 2nd chemo treatment has proven to be much harder than the first, which is really throwing off all the positive energy I've been building up through Eastern medicine and meditation and yoga. It sucks. It really, really sucks. Not only do I not feel like myself, I don't look like myself either. I look like Natalie Portman in V for Vendentta, which Seth is really loving, I think. Side note: We found out I have a scar shaped like a "V" on the back of my head. Coincidence? I think not. I look like a woman who is really, really angry with society and should be in a punk band or something like that. Wait a minute... I am really angry with society. Scratch that, I'm angry with societal ideas of cancer, in particular, breast cancer. I do not fit the "mold" of a breast cancer patient and I haven't since the beginning. This is why it took me 3 attempts to find a doctor with enough balls to order a mammogram... A mammogram! They acted like I was telling them to order a time machine, and could they please bill my insurance?! So maybe this buzz cut is more "me" right now, in this moment, than I think. Maybe that's the point of losing my hair, coming from a universal stand-point, is to shake things up a bit, starting with the fighting with the doctors, to fighting to get a diagnosis, to eventually, looking like the "cancer-rebel" I feel like inside. If I walked down the street right now, no one would even think about messing with me. I would be the one thinking about messing with them, the hoodlums! (I don't think real punks say Hoodlums, so bust out a thesaurus if you want more authenticity.) Maybe I should pull a Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable" and start taking the crime of Rogers Park into my own hands! (Again, Bruce Willis not generally the icon for punkness) Or, I could sit here and download "True Blood" and fantasize about being a vampire, or at least knowing a vampire (the kind that doesn't want to kill me, of course. But if he wants to kill me, he won't because I'm different that any human he's ever met. Duh.)
I do have to say that I think every woman should buzz/shave her head at some point in her life. Once again, if someone would have said that to me a mere 6 months ago, I would have told them to.... you get it. But seriously, for those of you who know me... how crazy is this? Ok, I'm done rambling and now I'm going to search desperately through my fridge for something that doesn't taste like metal. What I really want is a burger. I just might take off my vegetarian cloak and get one. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?? (says Punk Erica) I am going to have some SERIOUS material if I ever go back into acting! BOOYAH! Enjoy the pics, please.

18 comments:

  1. You're a total bad ass, Erica. And you look beautiful.

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  2. enjoy your burger, rock star. i hope it tastes of burger only. delicious red meat for a vampire at heart.

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  3. Omg Sissy you look so hot! I am not just saying that....you are a sex bomb. You are lucky you have a nice shaped head! I wish I could enjoy that burger with you! You know I would love to be there with you cause I would make sure it was the best burger you would ever have. I love you!

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  4. You are my hero :) You look gorgeous and now can see even more of your pretty face. So great seeing you last weekend!

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  5. Um...you are hottie Erica! With hair and most definitely without.

    Simply beautiful.

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  6. hot. just hot. I would NOT look that good with a bad ass shaved head! Get it girl! What what!

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  7. you are gorgeous! i am praying for you everyday, erica! love ya! amie whitehead hubbard

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  8. I can't even tell you how proud I am of you...I'm tearing up and laughing at the same time as I read your entries! You truly are an inspiration, Rikki. You are an amazing person and one day, it will make sense why you had to go through this F'IN thing. You WILL beat it. Long hair, shoulder length hair, buzz cut or bald...you WILL beat this F'IN beast.

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  9. It's ridiculous how fantastic you look.

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  10. You look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Now go to McDonalds.

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  11. Lordy you are one beautiful woman

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  12. Erica, you could buzz your hair, lose your front teeth, fall off a roof, and have a burger hanging out of your mouth and you'd still be hot. It's not quite fair, actually.

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  13. WOW. WHOA. WOW WOW WOW WHO WHAT THE HECK WOW WHOA (Cue music from Hedy LaRue's entrance in How to Succeed - horns, whistles, screams, cat calls and elevator bells). You my friend, look smokin'. Nice work.

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  14. amazing.
    i especially like the mohawk one.

    and the gangsterish one.
    is gangsterish a word?
    it is now.
    you just inspired it to be invented.

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  15. Looks good!

    Now if you are particularly adventurous...go for the completly shaved-bald look. If I can do it for shows...you can do it for fun. :)

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  16. You look amazing! You could totallyl model. No, seriously. And I love reading this blog, thanks for sharing your story. I am actually getting my boobs checked right now (I can use the word boob, right? :)). My mom had breast cancer so I am a big advocate for early detection.

    BTW- I forget how I found this blog, through another one, you know how that goes. But, anyway, thanks again!

    YOU ARE A ROCKSTAR!

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  17. You are damn gorgeous. With hair and without!

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