Saturday, May 2, 2009
Hulking out, but not in the green way...
If you would have told me 10 years ago that on this fine May evening, I'd be sitting home on a Saturday night, posting pictures of my Mohawk, to fauxhawk, to no-hawk look, I would have told you to put down your crack pipe. But here I sit... posting them. I think I do this so that my friends, family, followers can see what I'm going through, both the pretty and ugly stuff. The pretty stuff being our new puppy and my cute haircuts, natch.
My 2nd chemo treatment has proven to be much harder than the first, which is really throwing off all the positive energy I've been building up through Eastern medicine and meditation and yoga. It sucks. It really, really sucks. Not only do I not feel like myself, I don't look like myself either. I look like Natalie Portman in V for Vendentta, which Seth is really loving, I think. Side note: We found out I have a scar shaped like a "V" on the back of my head. Coincidence? I think not. I look like a woman who is really, really angry with society and should be in a punk band or something like that. Wait a minute... I am really angry with society. Scratch that, I'm angry with societal ideas of cancer, in particular, breast cancer. I do not fit the "mold" of a breast cancer patient and I haven't since the beginning. This is why it took me 3 attempts to find a doctor with enough balls to order a mammogram... A mammogram! They acted like I was telling them to order a time machine, and could they please bill my insurance?! So maybe this buzz cut is more "me" right now, in this moment, than I think. Maybe that's the point of losing my hair, coming from a universal stand-point, is to shake things up a bit, starting with the fighting with the doctors, to fighting to get a diagnosis, to eventually, looking like the "cancer-rebel" I feel like inside. If I walked down the street right now, no one would even think about messing with me. I would be the one thinking about messing with them, the hoodlums! (I don't think real punks say Hoodlums, so bust out a thesaurus if you want more authenticity.) Maybe I should pull a Bruce Willis in "Unbreakable" and start taking the crime of Rogers Park into my own hands! (Again, Bruce Willis not generally the icon for punkness) Or, I could sit here and download "True Blood" and fantasize about being a vampire, or at least knowing a vampire (the kind that doesn't want to kill me, of course. But if he wants to kill me, he won't because I'm different that any human he's ever met. Duh.)
I do have to say that I think every woman should buzz/shave her head at some point in her life. Once again, if someone would have said that to me a mere 6 months ago, I would have told them to.... you get it. But seriously, for those of you who know me... how crazy is this? Ok, I'm done rambling and now I'm going to search desperately through my fridge for something that doesn't taste like metal. What I really want is a burger. I just might take off my vegetarian cloak and get one. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?? (says Punk Erica) I am going to have some SERIOUS material if I ever go back into acting! BOOYAH! Enjoy the pics, please.